


Drabble Collection

by midnightstreet



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightstreet/pseuds/midnightstreet
Summary: 10 Drabbles x 100 words
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Alexis Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 21
Kudos: 54





	1. Patrick grows his collection of shirts, party shirts very much included (for petrodobreva)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I love doing dialogue-only, but I struggle with word limits, so I challenged myself to fill 10 prompts as drabbles (true drabbles being exactly 100 words). These are (mostly) silly fluff, rated G or T.
> 
> I've added pairings, ratings, and some attempt at tags in the notes section of each chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David/Patrick
> 
> Rated T
> 
> Fashion; Shopping

“Mm, what do we think of _this_ sexy little number?”

“I’m pretty sure only you can pull off something like that, David. And, oh look, it appears to be in your size! Convenient! I thought we were shopping for me, today.”

“Of course we are, honey! But doesn’t me looking nice, benefit you?”

“If you really wanted to benefit me, you’d walk around naked a lot more. Okay, how about this one? Feels...wiggly?”

“I don’t even need to look at the tag to know it’s going to say 100% Rayon. Put it down, then go find some hand sanitizer.”


	2. Patrick and Alexis go running/hiking/do yoga together (for schittyfic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patrick & Alexis
> 
> Rated G
> 
> Hiking; Bonding

“How is it that we’re the same height, but your legs are so much longer than mine?”

“I don’t know, but I’d _totally_ kill someone for that butt!”

“If only this butt could make me walk faster. Okay, can we? I just need…”

“Ooh, yes! Let’s rest here! I haven’t checked my Insta in, like, an hour!”

“Hike’s been 45 minutes. You really didn’t check it the whole ride here?”

“Of course not, silly! I was spending time with my almost-brother-in-law!”

“That’s really sweet, Alexis.”

“Plus you were hitting a lot of potholes, and I got, like, really dizzy, so…”


	3. Patrick and Alexis go running/hiking/do yoga together, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patrick & Alexis
> 
> Rated G
> 
> Hiking; Bonding

“Oh my god, Patrick! Ohmygod!”

“What, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not getting any service!”

“Well, yeah; we’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“Okay, but like. Schitt’s Creek is _also_ in the middle of nowhere? And even at Ronnie’s weird tennis court I can always use my share - and a little bit of Dad’s share - of our data to get a quick li’l sneaky-peek at my feed. But here? Nothing! Eurgh!”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Alexis. Do you want to turn back?”

“Aww, Button! I guess...no, it’s fine; I’ve always wanted to try this ‘off the grid’ thing.”


	4. David finds out Patrick did amateur porn in college (for schittyfic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David/Patrick
> 
> Rated T
> 
> (Past) Amateur Porn; College is absurdly expensive

“So this paid _how much_?!”

“Two hundred bucks?”

“Okay, _that’s_ an insult — that thing in your pants is worth three hundred, easy.”

“Aww, you flatter me.”

“And you just, what, showed up to some sketchy house and took your clothes off?”

“Basically.”

“...okay, that’s honestly kind of hot. So what did you do with the money?”

“It bought me exactly one and two-thirds textbooks.”

“That’s less hot.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I definitely want to see you in all your frat boy glory, jacking that huge thing on camera, though. Please tell me it’s still out there somewhere.”

“Umm...let me text Rachel.”


	5. David gives Stevie a towel that says “thrice” on it (for OldBlueEyes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David & Stevie
> 
> Rated T
> 
> Friendship; Feelings

“So, those towels were a very nice gift.”

“I’m glad they met your standards.”

“They very much did. And since I’ll be, umm. Leaving? Here. I wanted to give you something to, well…”

“What, to remember you by? As if I need something to commemorate our time together; your big dick and snarky attitude are more than enough.”

“Will you shut up for a second? I’m trying to be sentimental, here.”

“Proceed.”

“This is. Umm. This is for you.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“That conversation was. Well. It was kind of the start of my new life. So. Thank you.”

“...any time.”


	6. BabyGay!Patrick gets way overwhelmed and intimidated by a gay sex positions website (for EggplantSalad)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David/Patrick; Patrick & Stevie
> 
> Rated T
> 
> BabyGay!Patrick; Friends helping friends

“Maybe put your leg up—”

“Oww, that’s my fucking face!”

“Sorry. Can you turn around and lean ba—?”

“ _What the fuck is this?!_ ”

“David! We were just. Uh. Playing Twister?”

“Without that plastic mat thing?”

“...yes.”

“Patrick…”

“Okay, fine. Stevie was. Helping me.”

“With?!”

“Just show him the laptop, Patrick.”

“Why is Stevie helping you act out what appears to be the gay Kama Sutra?”

“Awk-ward. I think that’s my cue.”

“I. I wanted to. You know. Learn.”

“You don’t have to impress me, Patrick; we can learn together.”

“Thanks, David.”

“So, did Stevie bring her strap-on?”

“Nope, just whiskey.”


	7. The Greater Elms area experiences a toilet paper shortage (for...myself!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David/Patrick
> 
> Rated T
> 
> Covid-19; Future Fic

“Patrick, that...product...is going nowhere near my ass.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, David; this was all they had.”

“Well did you _ask_ someone?”

“I threatened a stockboy, just like you said.”

“This pandemic will destroy my skin! First the ever-present threat of ‘maskne’, now I have to worry about a chafed dick?!”

“Didn’t you have to deal with terrible toilet paper when you first moved into the motel?”

“That was a dark time we will never speak of again.”

“Well you’re gonna have to psych yourself up; we don’t have the money budgeted for a bidet.”


	8. David and Patrick struggling through the worst hangover of their lives together (for schittyfic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David/Patrick
> 
> Rated T
> 
> Hangover; Future Fic

“Mrrphass…”

“Nnnnn my ass is closed for bur— for bis— ...for shopping. G’way.”

“Shhh, too loud. No ass. Aspirin. Pills. Drugs.”

“Mmfuckoff, I’m dying.”

“You’re closer to the bathroom. The bathroom has water.”

“Water...oh, I love water. Okay, fine. But you owe me.”

“You have my love. Foreverrrrrr.”

“I already had that; make me a better offer.”

“...David? DAVID?”

“Jesus, shhhh!”

“Didn’t...didn’t we have a Stevie?”

“...fuck. She’s...she passed out on the couch. We. We miiiight have drawn a mustache on her? Oh god, Patrick, if we survive this hangover, we’re gonna need to go into hiding.”


	9. The first time Patrick cries during sex (for schittyfic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David/Patrick
> 
> Rated T
> 
> Hurt/Comfort; First Time; Crying During Sex; Feelings

“Oh my god, Patrick, did I hurt you? What’s wrong??”

“It’s not that kind of— that kind of crying. Just...just give me a second. God, this is so embarrassing.”

“No, nope, none of that.”

“This isn’t exactly a good — _hic_ — a good start to our sex life.”

“I’m not going away. I mean, unless you want me to?”

“No! I don’t want that. Umm. Maybe you could hold me? Just for a little while?”

“I can absolutely do that. It’s a lot, huh?”

“It’s a lot.”

“I’m going to stay right here. You take all the time you need.”


	10. Patrick has feelings about the fact that he's started greying (for RhetoricalQuestions)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David/Patrick
> 
> Rated G
> 
> Humor; Aging; Youth Sports Coach Patrick; Future Fic

“Gray? Hah! Why doesn’t anyone tell you they’re actually silver? Today one of the kids at Little League asked _why I had glitter in my hair_.

“Honey, you look very distinguished.”

“No, _you_ look distinguished. I? Look old.”

“K, you haven’t panicked like this over your adorable little eye wrinkles or love handles—”

“I don’t have _love handles_!”

“— so why is this so distressing?”

“I HAVE NO IDEA! Can we let this be my one freakout?”

“Okay, deep breaths. How about I go get some hair dye, hmm?”

“I’m never taking this cap off again.”

“...not even for the dye?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is something new I'm trying, comments/kudos very much appreciated! 😕


End file.
